I Had So Much Support. I Still Had Postpartum Anxiety.

I’ve been hesitant to speak about the Lindsay Clancy case because the tragedy has truly shaken me to my core. Lindsay was the same age I am today and worked in healthcare as a labor and delivery nurse. I see parts of myself in her, and that realization has made this case especially difficult for me to process.

But I do think this case has ignited a fire in me to address the stigma surrounding maternal mental health head-on.

After the birth of my first daughter, I experienced crippling postpartum anxiety. Looking back three and a half years later, I can recognize it for what it was. But at the time, I had no idea what was happening to me.

I had never given birth before, so I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal to be terrified to be alone with my newborn. I didn’t know that hysterically sobbing when my mom left to fly home, or when my husband left the house for a physical therapy appointment, was more than just being an exhausted new mom. I didn’t understand why I physically felt like I couldn’t provide the care my baby needed.

And I had SO much support.

I have an incredibly supportive husband. My little brother flew down to help when I was struggling with sleep deprivation. My mom even retired early and moved to our town to help with childcare when I transitioned back to work full-time because I was too anxious to let anyone else care for my daughter.

I share this because I had SO MUCH MORE support than many postpartum women do. And yet, postpartum anxiety still affected me.

As a healthcare professional, I was also afraid to speak up. I worried about the lasting impact an anxiety diagnosis could have on my medical chart.

Would future providers dismiss physical symptoms as anxiety? Would I be believed when I needed help? Could a diagnosis affect my ability to get future jobs in healthcare?

What a sad reality, that those were some of my first thoughts instead of, “I need to speak up and take care of myself so I can better care for my baby.”

Thankfully, I have a fantastic primary care provider who helped me find an appropriate treatment. Once I got the help I needed, it felt like I could finally see the world clearly again. I began trusting my maternal instincts. I started to genuinely enjoy motherhood instead of feeling terrified by it.

And that’s what I want other women to know.

Especially in a world where we see so much of motherhood through social media, someone’s postpartum experience can look blissful on the surface while being so much harder behind closed doors.

The Lindsay Clancy case has also made me reflect on how much more we need to do to support postpartum women, and the healthcare professionals caring for them. We need a healthcare system where maternal mental health is taken seriously, where women feel safe asking for help, and where providers have the support and resources to prioritize patient care.

So, if you’re postpartum and something doesn’t feel right, please speak up.

Ask for help. Talk to your partner, family, or trusted friends. Learn the warning signs of postpartum mental health conditions. Be honest at your postpartum appointments, even when it’s uncomfortable or difficult to put your feelings into words.

And if you feel like you’re not being heard, keep advocating for yourself. Seek out another opinion. Find another provider.

You deserve to be heard. You deserve support. And asking for help doesn’t make you a bad mom.

Sometimes, asking for help is exactly what allows you to be the mom you want to be.